Trans Day of Remembrance helps to keep alive the memories of those lost

Tehya Ramirez still has a difficult time discussing her friend Sasha, a trans woman who died shortly after her 18th birthday a couple of years ago. And yet, Ramirez has continued to push through this discomfort to keep her former classmate’s memory alive, memorializing her life and impact annually by talking about her each Trans Day of Remembrance, which takes place this year on Thursday, Nov. 20.

“We were really the openly trans people at our school, so we found each other pretty quickly,” said Ramirez, who recalled how the two bonded over gaining access to gender-affirming care and Sasha’s first HRT appointment. “She was an interesting person, because she was loud and compassionate and bubbly in certain ways, but she also had a lot of edge to her. … I don’t know what to say. It sucks that the world is the way that it is and that she’s not here.”

In recent times, Ramirez said the world has only gotten darker, particularly for young trans people, who have seen their health care ripped away, their access to school sports curtailed, and their existence legislated to the point of extinction. “There’s been a lot more focus on trans people, and a lot less protections and less safety,” said Ramirez, who a year ago helped to found Trans Experimental Action (TEA), a youth-led group of artists and activists working in community toward trans liberation. “I’m pretty visibly trans, so every time I go out, I get some sort of comment from somebody.”

Rather than attempting to shy from this critical view, however, Ramirez, along with the other members of TEA, has leaned into making herself more visible as a means to counter the erasure being pressed by legislators across the United States. 

“And that’s important, because there are young people who are going to need someone to look up to, and there are people who are still figuring themselves out who are going to need that representation. … Growing up, I didn’t have a ton of trans representation – it was mostly gay and lesbian. But the few times I did meet trans people, it was the best, and I felt so seen, even though I hadn’t completely figured everything out at the time,” said Ramirez, who will also deliver a presentation on trans activist Sylvia Rivera at Rumours on Thursday, Nov. 20, as another means to mark Trans Day of Remembrance. “If we give in and we hide, then we are giving them what they want, and that’s not something I’m personally okay with. I’m proud of who I am. I’m proud of who my friends are. And I don’t want to let them win.”

Ramirez, who first learned of Trans Day of Remembrance in middle school, allowed that the occasion has taken on greater resonance with each passing year owing to the number of trans friends and acquaintances who have died, many either by suicide or due to acts of violence perpetrated by those outside of the community. (The Buckeye Flame compiled a list of memorial events taking place statewide, including the T-Talks’ Columbus Transgender Day of Remembrance, which begins at 6:30 p.m. at King Avenue United Methodist Church on Thursday, Nov. 20.) 

For Ramirez, talking about those lost remains the best way to preserve their memories – particularly living in an era where trans identity has become so routinely scapegoated, demonized, and pushed to the fringes. “I feel like our stories need to be told,” she said. “I don’t want any of [my friends] to be forgotten, because that’s one of my fears for myself, where if anything happens to me, I’ll simply be gone, and it won’t make a difference. … That’s why each year I talk about different people. … I want to keep those names alive and make sure I’m honoring them in every way I can.”